Not This Year

Last night Big Boy #2 found out that he did NOT make the All-Star baseball team. He was devastated. Frankly, so was I.

There were plenty of reasons why we thought he would make it: He's had a great season this year. He's been pitching and fielding like a champ. When the coaches watched him pitch at the try outs he got five strikes from six throws. Plus, odds were in his favor. The coaches had vetted the kids pretty well and so there weren't a million kids trying out.

Of course there were reasons he wouldn't make it: Top on the list is that he had basketball camp the same week as try outs. (We didn't realize the conflict until too late.) He would play basketball for six hours, only to have about twenty minutes to get himself together before leaving for try outs. By the end of the second day he was out of steam and was struggling to get even basic ground balls. Plus, his batting could be stronger.


But putting it all together, he still thought he had it. So did I.

The coaches said they would call only those who made the team by Sunday night. Do you know how VAGUE that is? (And really, post a list so there can be a definitive answer!) As the night wore on, he saw his chances diminishing. By 8:45pm he was in tears.

So here is the question: When do you let your kids get into a situation where they can fail? I'm not talking about striking out, or getting a poor grade. I mean the kind of thing were they throw themselves into something, hoping against hope to be successful only to find they didn't cut it.

I philosophically disagree with the mushy 'every one's a winner' mentality. I think trophies for showing up are great, but only for the very youngest of kids. I also believe that self-esteem comes from doing hard things, not from being told you are fabulous.

But, my sweet, little, barely ten year old was crushed last night. And I can't help but wonder how this might shape him as a person. BB#2 is naturally upbeat and confident. I want him to continue to be confident, excited and positive about himself as an athlete and as a person. He has the rest of his life to be told that he didn't cut it. Why should he hear that now?

I will admit to shedding a tear or two of my own last night. Not because I care about the team itself, but because I hate to see my child hurting. He was talking about maybe trying out again next year, but what if he were to be cut again? Do I take that chance with him? Arrr! I hate this!